Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
