Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
