lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
