My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
