I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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