the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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