Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
