I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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