u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
