Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
