Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
