I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
