I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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