i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
