I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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