I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
