When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
