it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
