Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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