I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
