meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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