she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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