Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
