he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
