I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
