today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
