I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
