I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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