Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
