I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
