So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
