drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
did you just send me my own nude
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
