Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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