who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
