I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
