if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
