oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
