my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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