I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
