Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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