if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
