Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
