When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
