i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
