I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize