He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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