you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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