I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
