Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
