Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
