i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My ATM looks so different sober.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
