i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
