end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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