Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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