the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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