your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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