I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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