I'm really into asian looking animals
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
