I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize