he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
