after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
