just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish my penis had a tongue
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
