So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
