I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
