is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So here I am, sexting at work.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize