I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
