Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Randomize