I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
