who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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