new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
