There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
