I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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