I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
