if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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