Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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