i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
