Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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