Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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