I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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