Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize