so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
