I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
