Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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