I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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