there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
