and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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