1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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