just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
