so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
