Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
