you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
