...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
