what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
