after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
