That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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