Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
