I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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