You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
