he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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