I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
