Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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