So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
