So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
high people should be assigned attendants
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize