put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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