He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
