she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
