Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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