he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
