There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
